On Relationships

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 9 months now. We are just starting to exit the honeymoon stage and are (trying to be) settling into the committed relationship stage. It’s not easy. I routinely look back to how we were when we first started dating and think, how come we’re not as cuddly or as giddy around each other as we used to be? Does he not like me as much as he used to? Why do we stay in waaay more than go out? Why does he not make an effort to impress me as much as he used to? Why do I no longer make an effort?

On the other hand, my roomate has been dating her boyfriend for about two years, on and off. They are very giddy around each other, very nauseatingly try to “sneak” carresses to each other, and talk about each other constantly. The on and off, I’ve started to realize, is important. My theory is that they never ACTUALLY move past the honeymoon phase, but, by virtue of the fact that they have actually been together for so long, effectively have entered the committed relationship phase as well.

They went out for about 6 months, started fighting, broke up, and several weeks later got back together. They have done this about four times. It seems that when the newness of the realtionship starts to wear off, they just break up and start over.

The rational part of me says my way is healthier, that we address problems, that we learn to work with each other instead of against each other. But the low-self esteem part of me that’s constantly comparing myself to others says that they’ve caught hold of something important. They have, albeit by extreme means, learned to continuously ignite the spark that started their relationship. I hope that my boyfriend and I can learn to do this too, before it goes out all together.

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