As if the past year hasn’t given me enough reason to reject the concept that shomer negiya makes a relationship stronger (our worst times were when we were apart from each other), this article proves it from a scientific standpoint.
A recent conversation with a good friend who is, shall we say, much more conservative than I:
Me: I’m moving to New York, and trying to figure out what neighborhood to live in. Where do you live, again?
Friend: Washington Heights
Me: Do you like it?
Friend: It’s a great community of singles and young married couples, I have fun here, I don’t particularly like my roommates but that’s okay, our lease ends in May and I’m looking for a new apartment. Hey, do you need a roommate?
Me: Actually, yes. But I should tell you something. I have a boyfriend who live a couple hours away from NY, he’ll be visiting every so often and I’d want him to stay with me. I don’t know if you’re okay with that, but I just wanted to put everything out in the air.
Friend: Well, I think you know how I feel about that [I do, she would feel extremely uncomfortable]. But, you can always look for someone else who is comfortable with it, and if not, you can try to find a small one bedroom place and just live by yourself.
Me: Well, if everyone there is going to disapprove of my lifestyle, I’m not sure I want to live there.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. My beef with the Orthodox community. Or atleast, one of many beefs with it.
Side note: Was that correct usage of the term “beef”?
Why, why, why must Beyonce ruin such a great, empowering song by rhyming “minute” with itself?
“I could have another you in a minute/ matter o’fact he’ll be here in a minute”
Ouch. That Hurts.
It’s almost as bad as when The Steve Miller Band rhymed “Texas” with “The facts is”.
I’m in the middle of reading Trouble, by Kate Christensen and Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert. Both are about divorced women trying to make peace with marriage. In “Trouble”, a woman decides to leave her husband after many years because, well, there’s just no more passion left.
My first response was that this is a completely different mindset than the one I’ve grown up with. This woman seemed to be immature and selfish. I’m all for divorce if there’s a necessary reason: abuse, arguing, unhealthy behaviors, etc. But lack of passion? Come on, tough it out. Don’t do that to your husband or your daughter.
However, I’ve recently started to wonder if my views on this are archaic. Perhaps marriage should be about mutual benefit, and if one partner doesn’t feel the benefit, they should leave. Perhaps having 3 or 4 divorces should become the norm. Maybe it’s just a social stigma that should be done away with.
What’s the purpose of marraige anyway? To provide a lifetime of commitment to each other? What happens when you no longer want to be committed. You fall out of love. Should you have to suffer the rest of your life because, well, you made a promise on your wedding day?
In Judaism, in order get divorced, the man must hand the women a bill of divorce. There is no way for the woman to get divorced if the man does not wish to do so. This has resulted in some women being “chained” into abusive, unhealthy marriages and unable to remarry. Many solutions have been proposed for this problem, and one idea is to simply not get married.
Is marriage becoming a thing of the past?