When are YOU getting married?

I’m getting really tired of people hinting, subtly and not so subtly, that I should be getting engaged soon. I’m 23 years old, still in law school, and still not sure what direction I want my life to go in. The fact that I have been dating the same guy for two and a half years is irrelevant.

Why should I get married if neither myself nor my boyfriend have any income? Why should we get married when we don’t even live in the same state? And furthermore, why is it anyone else’s business??

In some ways, the questions of “so is there a ring in the future” and “have you guys thought about planning a wedding yet?” are remnants of the ancient but ever-present idea that a person is not really a full adult until they are married. When I used to babysit in college, kids would ask me “Are you a grown-up?” Yes. “Are you a mommy?” No. “But how can you be a grown up if you are not a mommy?”. Getting an advanced degree is nice, but getting a husband is clearly what counts more.

In addition, I have some qualms about my current relationship. Things were great while we were in college, but recently, I’ve been having some doubts. I have a friend who says you can know after 6 months of dating someone whether or not they have marriage potential. I disagree. I didn’t see this side of my boyfriend until after we graduated. People may have the same inner personality, but you don’t know how they are going to react to various situations until they’ve been in them.

I’m perfectly fine with waiting this through, seeing how things end up, and making a decision about marriage when I’m ready to get married. Other people may not want to wait, and that’s fine for them. The whole idea of liberalism is to allow everyone to be able to make their own choices…not push your own thoughts onto others around you.

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