Judging Sexuality

This morning, I may or may not have left a vibrating toy in the shower, which my uber conservative, religious roomate may or may not have seen when she showered after me.

By may or may not, I mean definitely happened.

I’m sitting here, holed up in my room, trying to avoid the room mate for a few days and see if she forgets about it.

But why do I feel the need to do that? Why is there any shame in sexuality? Having a vibrator doesn’t necessarily mean I am sexually active, and even if it did…why should she care? I’m clearly not bringing home random guys to our apartment? This has no effect on her whatsoever…except that she had to stare at a bright blue male organ the whole time she was in the shower.

When I realized what had happened, my body tensed up and got incredibly nervous. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but lie on my bed and worry about what she would think of me?

And what WOULD she think of me? Would this mean I’m slutty? Would the fact that I have a vibrator mean that I know the pleasure of sexual orgasm, which would in turn mean that I have experienced it with a partner before? Which in turn would mean I’m not as religious as she is, which in turn would mean that she now has reason to doubt how kosher the food that I cook is?

Are those fair assumptions to make? No, but people make them anyway. Do I know for sure that she will make them? No, not at all.

But I have clearly made assumptions about her. I assumed she would judge me for owning a vibrator. And this puts me at just as much fault as I am putting her at.

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