Niddah Diaries: Scheduling Sex

A frequent topic that arises when talking about niddah is the pros and cons of scheduling sex. Usually, though, this topic arises specifically in regards to mikvah night. Having to leave your house at a specific time on a specific day can certainly be less than easy. Then, coming home and feeling the dual strains of wanting to have sex but also wanting to finish up household chores, etc. can be strenuous to say the least. Thankfully, though, since I don’t have kids yet, this particular challenge is not as difficult as it could be. Still, some days are busier than others, and there was definitely at least once when it was questionable whether I should have gone to the mikvah either Tuesday or Wednesday, and I chose to go Tuesday [without consulting a Rabbi or Yoetzet Halacha], since Wednesday was a little hectic for me.

But, today I want to talk about scheduling sex on the bigger scale. This past week has been finals time for me. I’ve got papers to write and law school exams to study for, plus I’m still working part part time. I’ve been going to bed really late and waking up really early, using my keurig on an hourly basis.

I’ll probably get my period in the next couple of days, meaning that I won’t be able to have sex for the next two weeks. Knowing that, I want to “stock up” as much as possible, and utilize this time that I CAN have sex as best as possible. But, I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m worn out.

If I wasn’t constrained by Niddah, I’d say, great–go to sleep this week, but sex the night away after your finals are over! But, I can’t, because I’ll still be niddah for another week or so after the end of finals.

I’m coming to terms with this two-week on, two-week off thing. I actually might think that I kind of sort of like it. But, I still wish that I could PICK the two weeks to be on and the two weeks to be off. Now, I’m left with the choice of either foregoing sex for a month, or foregoing sleep during finals, neither of which is particularly ideal.

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3 comments on “Niddah Diaries: Scheduling Sex

  1. FrumGeek says:

    “there was definitely at least once when it was questionable whether I should have gone to the mikvah either Tuesday or Wednesday, and I chose to go Tuesday [without consulting a Rabbi or Yoetzet Halacha], since Wednesday was a little hectic for me.”

    This scares me a bit (ignoring that this can be halachic grounds for divorce without paying the kesubah). So because something might be inconvenient for you, you decide you know whats best when it comes to God’s laws? I’m just thinking if you decide to keep something, shouldn’t you go the whole nine yards, be consistent? It isn’t that difficult to consult a halachic authority, and if you dont do it b/c you’re scared of what the answer might be, then its probably something you shouldn’t be doing.

    • FrumGeek says:

      Karais is a serious punishment. It means your soul is cut off. It’s not something to take lightly. It seems to me over the course of this blog, you’ve changed, and things, important things, no longer seem important to you because of how you’ve treated them, and you’ve taken a pick-and-choose view of Judaism, and if something’s too inconvenient or doesn’t jive with western ideals (pre-marital sex? bah! who cares! Not God, certainly!) you just take a way out when if you thought about it you’d know better that you shouldn’t. (I’m saying all this assuming you believe in both Torah sh’biksav and Torah b’all P’eh, i.e. you consider yourself orthodox.)

      • FrumGeek says:

        It’s funny. I really do come across as a religious extremist in this blog, whereas I don’t in my own or any others. Not sure why that is.

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